We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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