your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
