Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
