What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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