not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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