the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
