I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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