u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
