Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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