Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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