I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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