Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
