My sheets look like a crime scene.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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