she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
