I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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