Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
