i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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