Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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