i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
