I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
