people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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