At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
