Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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