Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
