I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
