Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
