Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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