go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
