I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
