If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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