remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
two words: eviction party
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize