Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
