using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
