Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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