If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
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remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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