Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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