Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
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