he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
