Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
They took my balls.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
