You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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