I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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