My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
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He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
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I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Holy shit dude........stairs
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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