you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
