im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
After last night, I could never be a politician.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
