Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
