I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
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