This house was built for laser tag.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
