He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
