just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
