Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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