so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
