I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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