oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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