"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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