If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
