just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
