I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
