can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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