someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
