im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
