OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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