That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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