none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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