OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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