woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Randomize
