he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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