winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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