i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
