I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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