I showed him my bush... on skype.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
