and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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