Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
