The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
