Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
