You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
