hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
