At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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