he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
