My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
