Princesses don't give blow jobs
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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