After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
