Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
