Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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