One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I will be naked everywhere
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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