ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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