My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
